The other night Casey and I went to check out a house that had just come on the market. We met our realtor Erin out on the sidewalk and checked out the front yard a bit before heading up the porch to the front door. (Note that this was an old Portland house, so that front porch was loud and squeaky and not at all condusive to a stealthy surprise visit. If anything, it would certainly sound the alarm to anyone inside that they had company. Just sayin’.) So anyways, we’re chatting and Erin’s using her little realtor fob thing to get the key out of the lockbox when Casey said, “Uhhh I think someone is in there”. So of course I turned to look through the giant front window to see if I could see anyone. Sure enough, 10 seconds later, a NAKED lady walks from the bathroom to the bedroom. Awk.ward.
I’m pretty sure she didn’t see us. Which obviously is better for her pride and embarrassment level but is also super weird. Because how would you feel if three strangers saw you naked and you had no idea? Ponder that for a minute… (and preferably while you’re in the nude to get the full effect.)
Honestly though it blows my mind that she would be naked in the first place. My disbelief is threefold: A. You have a really big front window. B. You have no curtains on said front window. C. Your house is on the market! People are going to be trying to look through your windows even when they don’t have a scheduled showing (which we did! But she apparently missed the memo or forgot or something.) The only rationale I can come up with is one-fold: You’re an idiot. A naked idiot.
So anyways, we left her to her business and ended up going back the next day to view the house (sans nudity) and hated it. Not sure if it was because of how fugly it was or because it was haunted with naked lady judgement… but either way, it wasn’t for us.
And of course we told some friends about the incident and one of them (a guy, duh) asked if naked lady was hot. To which the husband responded “wellllllllllll…. it was kind of hard to see….” (side-eye). Which in boy talk means “yes she was bangin but i can’t say that because my wife is karate chopping me with her stare right now.” Because honestly, it was slightly dark but even I got a decent look. And those tator tots were per-etty perky. Weren’t they Casey!?!
So even though we didn’t find our dream house, at least naked lady inspired my to do list for today:
1. Go to the gym (because if a stranger is going to see me naked, i better look good)
2. Buy curtains (in case i don’t make it to the gym)
3. Make tator tots for dinner (because YUM!) ((And then repeat step 1))