Monthly Archives: February 2013

the value of curtains.

So something weird happened.  And I’m gonna tell you about it.

The other night Casey and I went to check out a house that had just come on the market.  We met our realtor Erin out on the sidewalk and checked out the front yard a bit before heading up the porch to the front door.  (Note that this was an old Portland house, so that front porch was loud and squeaky and not at all condusive to a stealthy surprise visit.  If anything, it would certainly sound the alarm to anyone inside that they had company. Just sayin’.)  So anyways, we’re chatting and Erin’s using her little realtor fob thing to get the key out of the lockbox when Casey said, “Uhhh I think someone is in there”.  So of course I turned to look through the giant front window to see if I could see anyone.  Sure enough, 10 seconds later, a NAKED lady walks from the bathroom to the bedroom.  Awk.ward.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t see us.  Which obviously is better for her pride and embarrassment level but is also super weird.  Because how would you feel if three strangers saw you naked and you had no idea? Ponder that for a minute… (and preferably while you’re in the nude to get the full effect.)

Honestly though it blows my mind that she would be naked in the first place.  My disbelief is threefold:  A. You have a really big front window.  B. You have no curtains on said front window.  C. Your house is on the market!  People are going to be trying to look through your windows even when they don’t have a scheduled showing (which we did! But she apparently missed the memo or forgot or something.) The only rationale I can come up with is one-fold: You’re an idiot.  A naked idiot.

So anyways, we left her to her business and ended up going back the next day to view the house (sans nudity) and hated it.  Not sure if it was because of how fugly it was or because it was haunted with naked lady judgement… but either way, it wasn’t for us.

And of course we told some friends about the incident and one of them (a guy, duh) asked if naked lady was hot.  To which the husband responded “wellllllllllll…. it was kind of hard to see….” (side-eye).  Which in boy talk means “yes she was bangin but i can’t say that because my wife is karate chopping me with her stare right now.”  Because honestly, it was slightly dark but even I got a decent look.  And those tator tots were per-etty perky.  Weren’t they Casey!?!

So even though we didn’t find our dream house, at least naked lady inspired my to do list for today:

1. Go to the gym (because if a stranger is going to see me naked, i better look good)
2. Buy curtains (in case i don’t make it to the gym)
3. Make tator tots for dinner (because YUM!)  ((And then repeat step 1))


wine. and CHEESE!

Apparently I like living in the past because all week I’ve been blogging about what we did last weekend.  Welp, no different today folks!  We went wine tasting last weekend.  The end.

photo (84)

wineNo seriously though.  The wine was really great and all, but the highlight of the entire thing was this wheel of cheese.  I could marry this cheese. I could seriously leave Casey and promise to love honor and obey this cheese.  And then we would live happily ever after… or for about 45 minutes until I ate it.

photo (87)Drool is currently hitting my keyboard.


the operaaaaaaaaaa!

opera2Ever been to the opera?  Until last weekend I’d never seen one but had always been pretty curious, especially since I l.o.v.e. musicals and plays.  So when husband won two tickets to the show Tosca through work we were pretty pumped to check it out.  So on Friday night we got all fancified and headed to the theater – excited but unsure of what to expect (just like when we go to Taco Bell).

And we kinda hated it.

Let me just say that opera goers are on a whole other level.  Since we live in Portland, we kind of figured that people would take “dressing up” casually.  Like maybe just tuck in your flannel and comb your beard and call it good.  Yah, no.  We definitely missed the memo on proper opera attire.  Had we known the dress code was mid-century grandparents – husband would have tried to grow out a Monopoly man mustache and I definitely would have brought my elbow length satin gloves.  But no, we failed.  However, I did have some wool mittens in my purse so I wore those while drinking my pre-show wine.  You know, fitting in.

The opera itself started out pretty great and exciting… the singers were amazing and the set was pretty cool.  But then it got boring, and then I thought it got better, but then I realized, no, it was still boring.  It was all in Latin, which I was expecting.  BUT I wasn’t expecting a giant screen above the stage with English subtitles.  It was super distracting.  And I mean, I get that’s it’s an opera, but does it really take 45 seconds to sing “paint it black” in Latin?  I never knew the vowels were so high-maintenance.

Worst part though?  At the end of the first act when everyone was applauding, the guy next to me did the thing where you close your eyes and then clasp your hands together and sort of shake them at the performers.  Like, proving how moved he was by the performance.  I’m pretty sure my eyes almost rolled out of my face.


Anyways, I kind of felt bad for not falling in love with it – and maybe it was just that I didn’t like that particular show.  But it definitely wasn’t my cup of tea.  Not at all.  You know what is my cup of tea?  Pizza.  Which we ate, when we left after the first act.

the bowl that was super.

It’s Monday and I’m in a post-Super Bowl haze.  I’m fairly certain I ate enough crap dip and chips to go into hibernation for the rest of the of the winter because even my fat pants are working overtime today.  But!  It was fun – we hung out with friends, drank some drinks, I gained another chin… all part of the Super Bowl tradition.  Right?  Wait, right??  No?  Just me? Moving on.

Did anyone else get a little uncomfortable watching Beyonce gyrate onstage?  I mean, she’s a mom for pizza’s sake.  And the hair!  Before her performance started we made up a drinking game to drink every time she flipped her hair.  We’re all dead now.

I’d also just like to give a shout out to the power outage.  If not for that situation we would have missed the puppy bowl!  I am fully investigating how to get the job as puppy bowl referee.  Best gig ever.  Also, thanks power outage for this.  I think that guy in the suit probably pooed hisself.

Oh!  The commercials.  Definitely not the best SB commercial line up ever but I totally loved the Taco Bell Viva Young and the Best Buy Ask Amy spots.  I could have gone without the Go Daddy commercials.  And how awkward was the random Calvin Klein guy striking poses in his undies?  Maybe it’s just me but it felt slightly out of place when mixed in with the likes of Doritos and Stevie Wonder.

Anyways, it was a successful Super Bowl (well I guess not for the 49ers. whomp whomp).  But for me at least, it was good times.  But to make amends for yesterday’s Super Bowl of chips, please say hello to my lunch….


And breakfast.  Oh!  And dinner.  I’m doing my very first juice cleanse.  It’s actually not too bad so far.  Although I’m considering asking the juicer (weird career title) to create me my own special juice – that includes crab dip.  Baby steps, people.