today’s walk.

Lately I’ve been taking Gus for long walks every morning.  That’s the beauty of working at a place where 9:30 is considered the official start of the work day.  I actually get to start my day before I start my day.  I’m usually up around 7, I make myself some coffee to go, throw my rat’s nest hair into a bun and head out for a walk around the neighborhood with the pup.  Gus is the worst walker, which means that I spend most of the time being yanked and pulled all over the street, but it’s still a pretty stellar way to start the day (unless of course I forget to put a bra on and then it’s just painful).

This morning was kind of weird for us though… about two minutes into our walk, Gus pounced on and then started savagely eating what I can only assume was a human bone that he found in the street.  It was so big, there’s no way it came from a bucket of KFC… nope.  It was definitely a human femur.  Creepy and gross because I had to try and pry it out of his mouth.  Nothing like a little carcass to start your day.  And during our tug o’ war, he must have gotten some of it lodged in his throat because he coughed/threw up a little on my foot.  Which is disgusting obviously, but even worse when you have nothing to clean it up with.  So I just rinsed it off with my coffee.  

No big deal, dog barf is part of the job.  Onward!

A few minutes later, we stumbled across this big old house that is clearly under renovation.  It was so weird though because there were approximately 10 people working on the porch at one time.  At first I thought that they were all going to break out into song/choreographed dance because it was seriously the stage for a working-class musical.  But THEN I looked up and saw an old lady sitting and staring out of one of the second floor windows.  Maybe I’ve been watching too much Pretty Little Liars lately (actually, that’s not a maybe.  i HAVE been watching too much of it.  it’s embarrassing.  please help.) but now I’m fairly certain all those workers were there to clean up a crime that the old lady was trying to cover up.  It was ca-reepy.  She was staring RIGHT at me.  So what’s a girl to do?  Take a picture of course!

[ she’s hard to see but she’s there.  oh yes, she’s there. ]

Luckily Gus yanked us the other way before we were murdered, so that’s cool.  Again, onward!

Ok, so I must have some kind of naked lady karma because AGAIN!  We were minding our own business, walking down the sidewalk and just as we were passing this one house, someone opened their door.  And there they stood, a fully clothed dude and fully nude lady, making out.   Her (ahem) backside was facing us so Gus and I got a nice clear shot of her toosh.  Seriously, WHO makes out with someone in front of their wide-open front door NAKED?  What is happening.  I applaud her creative way to send her husband off to work – but c’mon.   I’m a stranger and I saw her butt!  So, what’s a girl to do?  Take a picture of course!

…..

Get your head out of the gutter, I did not take a picture of that.

You know, just your typical walk around the neighborhood.  The one good thing that happened though is that we ended up at this really pretty overlook.  In a neighborhood called Overlook.   So we… looked over.  It was purty.  It made all the vomit, crime scenes and buttcracks worth it.

Oh but then while I was getting ready for work I found a cluster of gray hairs on my head… like 7 of them all in a 1-inch radius.  That has nothing to do with the dog walk but it was f*cking traumatic, to say the least.  If this is happening in my twenties, I can’t imagine what’s going to happen in my thirties.  I’m going to look like George Clooney by the time I’m 38.  Which actually makes sense since I have this uncanny ability to attract naked ladies.  HEYO!

** Sidenote.  I do not discriminate against naked men.  In fact, Casey and I saw a man’s business the other day when he decided to pee right next to us on the sidewalk of a very busy street.

And on that note, Portland is awesome!  Everyone come visit!  Bring your kids!

Advertisement

brats & hot dogs.

On Saturday we went to a barbecue in the park that was hosted by some friends from MN who also now live in Portland.  It was technically their yearly “Bratfest”, which is so perfectly midwest of them.  They provided all the brats and tofurkey dogs and everyone else brought side dishes.  Definitely took me back to my roots – although I have to say that I may prefer a Portland potluck over a midwest one.  There tends to be a bit more fresh and a little less butter…

And here we go AGAIN with the amazing weather.  That’s all I’ll say about that.

Since it was in a park, we thought it’d be cool to bring the Gus monster.  By park standards, it was fine to bring him.  But by socially awkwardness standards, we should have left him at home.  We were totally those people with that kid.  You know, the kid who’s screaming on the airplane or throwing a tantrum at Target or talking during a movie and the parents are just sort of sort of oblivious.  But let’s be clear, we as dog parents weren’t exactly oblivious to Gus’s shenanigans – we’re just used to his eccentricities that apparently terrify/sound alarm to the rest of the population.

[ don’t let the smiling fool you… not for one second. ]

There of course was the howling – which happens anytime there is any other animal within a 100 mile radius of Gus.  He will bark incessantly until they’re either out of sight or they come over and engage in the tooshie-sniffing dance for 8 whole seconds before Gus gets bored and moves on.  It’s a lot of build up to not much actual interaction.  But the howling… it’s cute at first because he’s so funny and beagle-y, and then it’s just not.  So there was that.  Pretty much consistently throughout the afternoon.  We got a lot of side-eye action from the fellow brat-goers.

At some point, Casey and I got into a game of bocce ball and midway through we noticed that Gus was doing this… thing… where he snorts uncontrollably.  It typically happens when he gets a little too wound up and in this case, I think it was a combination of all the excitement around him + the 80 degree weather because the snorting?  It came out in full force.  I’m going to say there was at least a solid minute of it.  We’re so used to it though that it didn’t really phase us, but there were some other people at the party who were all “he’s overheating!” and “get him some water” and “is he choking?” and Casey and I were all “no”.  All the judgy friendly people learned their lesson when they tried to console Gus, at which point he was suddenly FINE and all up on their plates of brats and in their cups of beer.  That boy loves his beer.  I mean, it was nice that they were concerned but we unfortunately knew better.  Gus is special.

Oh Gus.  How can you be such a d-bag and so cute all at once?

Also, just a little public service announcement.  Did you know that if you initially title a blog post “bratfesting” and leave it up on your computer, your co-worker will walk by and think it says breastfeeding?  You’ve been warned.  You’re welcome.

easter weekend was all kinds of great.

Let’s give a nice big shoutout to Mother Nature this past weekend because as predicated,  she was magnificent.  Mid-70’s, sunny, perfection.  All.weekend.long.

There was a trip to the largest dog park in the universe where we spent almost 3 HOURS on Saturday morning.  The seasoned enthusiasts call it “Disneyland for Dogs” and I can see why… Gus friggin’ loved it.  And it’s so big that we barely saw anyone while we were hiking around even though there were probably hundreds of people/pups there.   Thankfully, no one but us saw when Gus decided to rub his entire body all over a dead skunk.  I’m not kidding.  He also ate a chunk of horse poo.  ……….. That’s all I have to say about that.

Among many other more respectable activities, we were also invited to a friends’ parents house for Easter brunch.  I hadn’t given much thought to Easter this year, probably because it’s generally a family holiday and we have no family out here.  But it was a nice surprise to be invited to the burbs by our friends – especially since what we thought would be a maybe-awkward, mostly-family gathering was actually a mix of their closest pals and neighbors.  It turns out that this group of people, who have all lived in that neighborhood at one time or another, have been getting together for holidays for years.  I’m talking 25+ years.  Most of them are Oregon-transplants who don’t have much family in the area so they’ve all basically adopted each other and each others’ children as their family.  It was so sweet to hear their stories and see photos of the same group of people from Easter, 20 years ago.  It definitely gave us hope for our future in Portland.  Because it can be so hard to be away from our families.  Especially knowing that we’re missing out on holidays and memories.  (do you hear tiny violins playing yet because I sure do.)  Seriously though, the “family” that we met on Sunday made me excited to continue making friends so great that even if were aren’t able to be in MN for a holiday, we’ll still have our own Portland family to celebrate with.

So, all that being said, who wants to hang out with me for Memorial Day?  No pressure.

that is one grand dog.

My mom and stepdad came for a visit this weekend and I loved every bit of it.  My mostest favoritest part of the weekend was spending some QT with my mom… but coming in a close second was watching her interact with Gus.  My mom is a what I consider a dog bystander, she doesn’t love or hate them, she tends to avoid interaction, but she does however, have a heart of gold when it comes to any animals’ overall well-being and care, and our dog in particular.  So you can imagine my excitement and amusement when she finally got to meet our little boy and made great efforts to love him almost as much as we do.

What I imagine they’re both thinking…..

Mom: Please don’t make me regret putting my face so close to your face.  I know we’re practically strangers but I feel that since you’re my granddog, we can have an unspoken agreement and connection that will allow us to coexist over the next few days.  And as time progresses I think that I will find myself actually enjoying tolerating your company.  I might even go so far as to say that you are changing my overall view on house dogs.  All of this hangs in the balance of this photo.  Please don’t fart on me.

Gus: Squirrel?!

—

Love you and miss you mama!  Gus says what up.